I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
