glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize