So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
