she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
