we have officially mastered the walk of shame
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
