So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
