1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
