oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no you cant smoke seaweed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
