I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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