she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
