You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
