the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
