Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
