Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
