I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am naked and annoyed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
