Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
love makes seman taste better
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i've created a new STD.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
