3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
