Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
