Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
