I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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