Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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