you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
