Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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