i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
