and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
