i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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