I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
