my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
