I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
