peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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