Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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