i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
