Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
