Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
