To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
