I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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