Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
