im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
