well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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