I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
