Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
