Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
