dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
