So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
