my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
