I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
