In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
