I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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