i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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