How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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