Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
