Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
