I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
