I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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