My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
