UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
