And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
