How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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