1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
