I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
